2003.01.27.
-Art is Led Zeplin and a Checkered Hat-
Song of the Moment:
Johnny Rzeznik <> "I'm Still Here"
So the day starts like this, 6:30 am, after waking up from 2 hours of sleep, I find myself in the car with my grandmother and mom, and two seconds later I'm standing at the bus stop freezing my ass off waiting for the 6:45 UBus. There was this creepy guy who was waltzing around, but luckily he got on the 51. So then I get on the bus, and I'm the only one, but by 76th we picked up a few more people. There was the man who's face was covered in warts, guy who smelled sweat, like hot chocolate, and I was like "Ooooo hot chocolate!" while hopping he didn't think that I was eyeing him up as breakfast. And then there was the lady who sat down and insisted on telling me her life story. I wanted to tell her to shut up but my lack of sleep and naive kindness to strangers got in the way. So I listened as she told me everything she had to say, repeating herself several times then asking me if she had mentioned the thing she had just repeated like three minutes ago. Luckily she got off before I went totally insane. Thank gods for headphones. Then the bus driver asks us if she can follow her "regular" route. That was when I was ready to run up and scream "DO NOT DEVIATE FROM THE MISSION PLAN!" and point to the bus schedual that I spent the morning highlighting. But I calmed down and figured since it was a Ubus how much more normal could it get then to actually go to UWM? And so I listened to my music till it dropped me off in front of the evil Mitchell building.
And as usual Mitchell was creepy today, but even more so. I get in there and there's like almost no light on the first floor and the fire alarm is going off "*brg........brg........brrgg.......brrgg...brrggg...brrrggg...brg brg brg brg brg brg brg brg brg brg BBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!*" and then all the door shut, and some even locked themselves. And I'm like "WHAT THE HELL!" and I run into this girl that says the fire alarm is going off and she's laughing cause she got locked in a hallway and I opened the door from the other side and I'm standing there in total confusion because a)alarms are going off and b)I CAN'T FIND THE RIGHT FRICKING STAIR CASE! so then the janitor person is coming around opening the doors and tells us to ignore the alarm, and I get upstaris and end up over by room who knows what where I run into a dead end. Eventually I made my way to class and sat down and talked to the girl from my other class (who is also in my art survey class and because she missed it I offered to borrow her my notes) and some older lady who was trying to learn photoshop for a photoshop class and getting totally confused by the book. I found out that the girl (Kim I think) is submajoring in computer graphics too. Neat. So then the "professor" walks in (I don't really see him as a professor, sorry, he's just more like this...guy) with a cart full of crap and starts putting stuff all over the floor. Bowling pins, vases, pots, statues...we had to draw them. And then he was trying to tell us we were drawing too dark (he makes us draw with 6B pencils and then says we have to draw real light lines!) and he says "Well my analogy for drawing is that it starts off as a- no no the analogy I was told to tell you is that drawing starts off as a whisper, soft and barely there, and then becomes a scream. My analogy is that drawing is like "Stairway to Heaven"" I instantly started laughing. Then he went on about how he wanted us to get pissed in his class and he wanted us to get frustrated. "I want you to get frustrated, it shows that you care enough to want to do it right, I want you to get pissed in this class. Getting pissed is good. If you don't get pissed then there's something wrong with you. Oh...but don't get pissed at me...I don't want that ok...." Then he turns on oldies 95.7. I'm starting to think that the hat is a permanent fixture on his head. Real scary. And after class I got lost trying to escape the building again. So I broke out from first door I could find. Unfortunatly it was the wrong one. But I did meet back up with Kim who asked where I was going next and I said home and she told me she had to get all the way across campus in 25 minutes. So after wishing her luck, I realized the only way I was getting to the union was to go back through Mitchell. So I screamed at the building "I KNOW YOU JUST WANT TO EAT ME ALIVE!" and flung the door open and went back in.
Ten minutes later I realized I was in the union, and soon after I was back on the bus headed home. The 5 never gets very crowded. This time there was next to no one on the bus so I was just listening to my music.
When I got back to my street,and walked home by the time I got in the door I nearly collapsed. A back pack with 5 books and lots of other stuff, a giant clip board and sketch book and a portfolio of mating stuff is no easy haul. So I decide to collapse on the couch and let the dog pile on me and lick my fingers till they had feeling in them again. Then after summoning the strength to move again (and washing my hands) I found some pork chops and had lunch before getting back on the bus back to campus.
On the way back I realized I would have to take the bus that came an hour earlier, because in the middle of the route on this one, they change drivers, and by the time I get back to school I have 5 minutes to get to class. I had the bus drop me off when I saw the building I was supposed to be in, thinking that way I'd get there on time. But even though I was right behind the building (in theory) I soon realized there was a small football field blocking my way. So it took a while of winding through the maze of buildings to get to EMS. It was like being so close yet so far away. But I finally get in and to the elevator, and I cram in with like 10 other people, stuck in the lime green corner, and I yell out "Can some one push 2?" And of course they're all professors and stuff and they don't listen, push three and then appologize to me as they're getting off, saying hopefully I won't get stuck in the elevator on my own. So I was like "Oh that's ok, it's ok." thinking how bad can it be, I'm on three all I have to do is go down to 2. BUT no. The people on three decided they had to go to 5, so the elevator goes to 5 even though I'd been continuously pushing 2. Then the people on 5 get in and push 11 and laugh at me and say "Oh you were going down, it's ok you're young you can wait" (Yes more professors...) Now my patients were wearing thin. By the time I found class and found a place to sit (this is the small class room that fills up really fast) I was eight minutes late and missed the sign in sheet. Luckily the TA let me sign it after class and said I didn't have to worry about being late. Then on the way out of EMS I got a paper cut from a frat sign on the door. It's really deep and it wouldn't stop bleeding. So I was sucking my finger all the way to the bus, until I could pull out my first aid stuffs.
The city looks totally different at night, when everything is all lit up. Watching out the window I felt a sudden rush of loneliness though. The lights reflecting off the plexey glass windows danced to the sad foreghn music coming from my mp3 player. I hate being alone, and traveling alone seems even worse. After my current streak of bad luck, at that moment I just wanted to curl up in someone's arms and sleep away my worries. But anyway...I got back home and the dude was waiting for me at the corner so I didnt' have to walk this time. I felt like I was having a Shinji moment. Only to do that I would have had to have stayed on the bus all day.
And now I'm home, and it's time for a nap. If anything happens later tonight I'll update some more. Right now I'm really really tired though. It's been a long day.
"I am a question to the world
Not an answer to be heard
All a moment that's held in your arms
And what do you think you'd ever say?
I don't listen anyway...
You ignore me, And I'll never be what you want me to be
"
2003.01.26.
-Another World-
Song of the Moment:
.hack//SIGN <> "Open Your Heart"
Ok, the lack of updates is due to starting school and working on revamping my site. Which by the way has just been scrapped and I'm starting over. damn my need of perfection.
So...college...yeah. It's quite a trip. I finally got my FAFSA crap filled out today. Woohoo (tiny flag). My first day of classes was Tuesday. That was interesting. First class, 2D art, teacher walks in and says "You need this and this and this, and I DON'T GIVE A's". Before class I was talking to someone in the hall who thought I was someone else. I get that alot. My favorite was when a group of guys at the mall thought Becky and I were their friends Melissa and Tassha. Creepy. Anyway, so then it was off to Art Survey and that was just like "ok, lecture hall I can sit here and slack off if I want to" and dude assigns a paper. So now I have to go to all these exhibitions. Goody...Off to the third class of the day, Computer Science. That class seems like it's gonna be a breeze. First day and I was already doodling all over my notes. I know all of that stuff already. And our class project is gonna be to make our own website. HELLO! Just look around you. So that's what Tuesday/Thursday is gonna be like. Then it was Wednesday, and time for my basic drawing class. This is where things get interesting, or scary...or something. See my basic drawing class is in the evil Mitchell building. This is the old building that likes to fuck with your head (I laugh because the bathrooms have room numbers like all the class rooms, so I kept saying I have a class in room (insert men's bathroom number here). But back to it's evilness. This building has a set of doors on every side. And it's pretty much square. But once your inside, there's no differentiating between any of the doors. Every doorway/set of stairs looks exactly the same. This is the building where Becky and I went up stairs, came down what seemed to be the same stairs we went up, and ended up on the other side of the building. So I make it to class (I made Becky come with me, and joked telling her not to get lost on her way out and she was all like "I won't get lost!" and she did! She ended up going down a little hallway with a staircase and the door slamed behind her and she was locked in or something and then she realized somehow she'd gotten into a totally different building) and there are chains hanging from the window and in the room there are not tables, or chairs, just horses(like the kind you sit on). The floor is wood, and looks all old. The walls are blank and old looking, like they were illkept and are gonna start chipping. In the front of the room there's a makeshift checkerboard stage with a big stool on it. And in various coners of the room, there are tens of dismembered maniquin arms and legs. There's also arms hanging from the vents and stuff. So it's safe to say that this is the scariest classroom ever. So then the people start filing in, and there's no where for them to sit so they're all over the floor. And then this guy comes in. Tall sholder length red hair, go-tee, checkered black and white cowboy hat, the shoes with the zippers instead of laces, one so broken that it's going floppy floppy on his foot. I instantly found myself praying that he wasn't the teacher. Then he said "Good morning class, how you doing?" At that moment I couldn't help but laugh and reflect on junior year when we had a sub that we called amazon trails man. So he's pretty young (25) and he's all like talking like a normal student would if you put them infront of the class. And then after we introduced ourselves, we had to draw things without looking at our paper at all. That was to learn concentration and how to "feel the drawing". So first it was our hands, then it was another person. This is when I realized the girl I had talked to in my first class on tuesday was in this class so we were instantly like "You!". Then we ended up swithcing with a group of guys and I got to draw this guy with cool spikey hair. Somehow I'm already on the professor's good side it seems...scary. Then after class my dad picked me up and we went to the art store and got all my supplies for class. There goes another $90. Then I took him out to lunch. Then went home and took a nap, and came back to school at 4 for Algebra. That was kinda dull, but in the first day we covered the sylabus and 3 sections of one of the chapters. Scary.
Thursday was my first time taking the bus on my own. That's a big feat for me, I have a bad fear of buses. But look I got home alive! Dani, Becky, Melissa arn't you proud? *Praise me Praise me Praise me* (<-Excell Sagaliness, I got the fourth DvD the other day). But there is this evil thing called "Layover" which makes the bus sit there for an hour. So I don't get home till 5:30 when I finished classes at 3. Evil bastards. Now I have to take the bus to school on my own tomorrow morning. No more bus with Becky. I realized thursday that the two guys who are always at the frontish of the bus are twins, and there was a lady with a pretty seeing eye dog. It had a pink nose. I wonder what my bus will be like. It'll be lonely...
So when in college, one has to be prepared for random conversations with complete strangers. Or sometimes, for no conversation at all. I learned never to sit on the ground level of the union thursday. This homeless looking guy walks up to me, without a word hands me a piece of paper and won't go away until I take it and read it. I took one look at the paper, one look at him, and handed it back, and he walked away in silence. It was the creepiest thing. Then there was the random conversations with a few people. Then the guy who wanted an explaination about what the professor was talking about in CS. He followed me all the way through the union. Oh and I found Becky and we went exploring the lower and upper levels of the union. Scary place. And then when I was sitting by the cultural center there were these two guys talking all creepy like. And then loud latin music was coming out of the "ballroom". And they were trying to bribe people with food. And there was a paper crane folding table and they were all like "Come fold paper cranes, we have food.". It was scary, the music kept getting louder and then there was clapping, so I decided to go spend the last hour before class waiting in the EMS building.
I found this really cool installation in my art book, I should scan it or find a picture to post. It's Daniel Canogar's "Alien Memory". It's a bunch of fiber-optic cables,slides and light genrators that project photos of body openings (like where they would put the cameras in for endoscopy). I also liked Anette Messager's "Mes Voeux" which is a bunch of framed photos of different body parts, and handwritten words (written many many times over) hanging from twine. The title means "My wishes" and the words are "Consolation"(head), "Tenderness"(arm), "Shame"(sex), and "Luck"(leg). Just a couple of weird art things I found while being bored in the EMS building.
So I think that brings us up to this weekend. Woohoo. Friday we went to 7 mile fair. I decided to look into buying a leather jacket (trench like) since that was all that they were selling as far as jackets go. There were leather jackets everywhere. But they're all so expensive. So then we went to the mall. Ah the mall. That place always makes me tired. But I found a cool jacket at Hot Topic. It's real long ( I was wearing a Xlarge and it was draging on the floor...). I like the length, but I wasn't crazy about the buttons on the sleeves. My mom didn't like the way the front only buttons three times. It's made out of black denim, and it's more for looks then anything, but it would keep my ass warm. Only thing is it's real vampirish looking and I could see how that would go over with everyone. I'd never live it down....So I'm still holding off on getting a new jacket. The layer effect has to do right now....Ten below weather sucks ass!
Other then that,Melissa popped up for awhile, and I slept alot, and played Kingdom of hearts alot. I can't beat the damn Ansem! GRRRR...so close...
This afternoon I had a pretty freaky dream. In it there was this boy (about 10-12) who had been abused by his father so much that he had constant nightmares of his father doing bad things to him, and of being dressed like a little girl or a porcelain doll and being shattered to pieces. So he finally tells his friend about all his nightmares, and his friend agrees to sleep over in hopes that he can help in some way. The next moring the friend woke up with scratches all over his body and the boy wasn't there anymore. He could hear the boy's voice in his head screaming to him for help, telling him to turn the lights on and to go get the dolls from the attic, and just weird stuff he couldn't understand, until he started seeing the boy's nightmares. Then he realized that the boy had been trapped inside the nightmares and couldn't get out, and so the friend became the only link the boy had to the outside world. He started living in the boy's house, talking to the lightswitches (cause that's where he heard the boy's voice come from most often), doing the little things the boy would tell him to do. Then he finally ended up killing the boy's father. In the end it turned out that he was the boy. He had gone insane and killed his friend after telling him about the dreams and what his father had done to him. He killed him because he said he shouldn't have told him and couldn't trust him to keep the secret, and the friend tried to comfort him by hugging him and the boy freaked and killed him, then assumed his identity (which apparently wasn't too hard because they looked alot alike). And since no one really cared for the boy in the first place no one thought to look for him when his "friend" said he was dead.
It was a very creepy dream. I think if I have time I will make that into a short story.
"Open your heart,to eternal dimension
Open your heart for love and affection
Open your heart, your every emotion
Open your heart for tears and rejection
Come to the grace of heaven's eternal fantasy
Come to the grace of earthly devoted harmony
"
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